TD Bank’s Inconvenient Truth

I don’t watch much TV and I usually tune out the ads when I do, so it is the rare commercial that has the ability to break through the clutter and grab my attention.

Unfortunately, TD Bank managed to do just that with their “America’s most convenient bank” campaign. I say unfortunately because TD Bank accomplishes this feat with what has to be the most annoying series of ads in recent memory.

At first, I thought my reaction was due to the singularly obnoxious spokescouple, Regis and Kelly, but then I realized it was much worse than that.

To demonstrate just how convenient the bank really is, Regis gets overly excited about holding doors open for unsuspecting customers and personally introducing them to “a heckuva tellah.” Kelly then steps in to explain that Regis doesn’t have to do those things to prove how convenient TD Bank is, because the bank’s friendly service, extended hours and nearby locations speak for themselves.

TD Bank has made one fat faulty assumption with this positioning. They assume that customers think a bank is a building with people inside. You see, I hate banks. Or more specifically, I hate bank branches. And I know I’m not alone.

To me, a convenient bank is a hole in a wall where I slide in my plastic card and get cash out wherever I happen to be. A convenient bank is a phone number I call to check my balance on Christmas Day. A convenient bank is a web site that remembers my account number and lets me pay my bills or transfer funds at midnight.

My credit union even has an application that allows me to deposit a check by simply taking a picture of it with my phone — now that is convenience!

I cannot think of the last time I had a need to walk into an actual building with four walls and a ceiling and a glass-covered counter holding printed deposit slips and cheap ball point pens on chains. I cringe every time I see yet another new branch under construction, because I know that one way or another I am paying for those bricks and that mortar and those smiling tellers, and worst of all, for Regis and Kelly.

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3 Responses to TD Bank’s Inconvenient Truth

  1. Neil Goldstein says:

    I couldn’t have said it better myself (probably because I am fairly inarticulate). Here in Atlanta, Chase branches are popping up faster than impeach-Obama billboards. (Query: Why did one of the nation’s oldest banks suddenly decided that one of the nation’s biggest cities was an untapped market?). Who uses bank branches anymore? Even my soon-to-be-eighty-year-old father, who still refers to JFK Airport as Idlewilde, does his banking online. In the rare event I need a certified check, one of the fifty already-existing branches within a 5-mile radius of my house will suffice.

  2. njm says:

    td dosn’t have chained pens… they have pens for everyone to take. they have a 1800 number there 24/7 365… thier branches only close for 4 days out of the year and so many other WOW! things… idk why anyone would complain… except about fees etc… and lets face it td bank can list all their fees on half a page…. other banks hand you a BOOK of fees you could get… if you know how to be a “big boy” and manage your money you shouldn’t have a problem with americas most convenient bank. i love it.

  3. I’m sure TD has wonderful service. My gripe (and the reason I single them out) is that their ad campaign equates convenience with brick and mortar branches. To most of us, convenience means NOT having to go to a branch.

    I don’t want to do business with a bank that uses my hard earned assets to fund unneeded real estate development. If they have extra cash burning a hole in their pocket, they should pay me a higher interest rate on my deposits. That has value to me. Smiling tellers don’t.

    It pains me to see valuable local businesses that actually require a physical presence (bagel store, restaurant, etc.) torn down to make way for yet another useless bank branch.

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