Unfortunately, TD Bank managed to do just that with their “America’s most convenient bank” campaign. I say unfortunately because TD Bank accomplishes this feat with what has to be the most annoying series of ads in recent memory.
At first, I thought my reaction was due to the singularly obnoxious spokescouple, Regis and Kelly, but then I realized it was much worse than that.
To demonstrate just how convenient the bank really is, Regis gets overly excited about holding doors open for unsuspecting customers and personally introducing them to “a heckuva tellah.” Kelly then steps in to explain that Regis doesn’t have to do those things to prove how convenient TD Bank is, because the bank’s friendly service, extended hours and nearby locations speak for themselves.
TD Bank has made one fat faulty assumption with this positioning. They assume that customers think a bank is a building with people inside. You see, I hate banks. Or more specifically, I hate bank branches. And I know I’m not alone.
To me, a convenient bank is a hole in a wall where I slide in my plastic card and get cash out wherever I happen to be. A convenient bank is a phone number I call to check my balance on Christmas Day. A convenient bank is a web site that remembers my account number and lets me pay my bills or transfer funds at midnight.
My credit union even has an application that allows me to deposit a check by simply taking a picture of it with my phone — now that is convenience!
I cannot think of the last time I had a need to walk into an actual building with four walls and a ceiling and a glass-covered counter holding printed deposit slips and cheap ball point pens on chains. I cringe every time I see yet another new branch under construction, because I know that one way or another I am paying for those bricks and that mortar and those smiling tellers, and worst of all, for Regis and Kelly.